Wednesday, 2 March 2011
This Week Has Been Hell!
The last few days I found it really hard sitting at the computer, so I wasn't able to post anything. My neighbour has been cooking some really yummy stuff, and it has been a major struggle not being able to eat REAL food. My computer is located in my dining room/ living room, which makes it the closest to their apartment. I've been wanting to rip my hair out smelling the cooking!
Today she was making fish chowder. I could smell the buttery creaminess, and the salmon browning on the stove. Never in my life have I wanted salmon so much as I did today! I was ready to knock on her door and steal all her yum yum's. Since I'm only allowed to eat green pepper, lettuce, cucumbers and broccoli, I decided to grill some peppers for dinner. Little balsamic vinegar, garlic, salt and pepper and yummy in my tummy! Damn... I'm now out of peppers! Think I have to bug my mom to bring some more over tomorrow. I can't go shopping in a grocery store or I might be tempted to be bad.
I knew I had an eating disorder, but never in a million years did I think it was this bad. The last week and a half of the liquid fast has been a real eye opener. Any food that was in my apartment I basically had to throw out. I can't control myself... it's like a drug. Yesterday I could smell eggs cooking from my neighbour, and I had to throw out the eggs that were in my fridge. I don't even eat eggs... they are there for my fiance when he sleeps over. But I had to get rid of them... they were calling to me. Am I crazy? Anyone else understand what I'm going through? I want these insane cravings to go away.
Less then a week until my surgery, and I've lost 12.5Lbs. I'm nervous, but excited. Thank you to everyone who has wished me luck and commented. I will eventually reply once my neighbour stops cooking!